Deadpool

Hey there, Canadian Ryan Reynolds here! Welcome to the best article on this wiki since all the other ones are just some dumb fictional characters from years ago. Anyways, here's my profile for MySpace (is that still a thing?) or something like that.

I, Deadpool (born Wade Wilson AKA Sexiest Man Alive next to Hugh Jackman) am a Canadian freelance mercenary who became a superhuman badass with a super kickass regenerative healing factor from the Mutant Workshop program also known as Hell.

Why I'm so fucking awesome!

 * 1) My movie version is 100% faithful to my comic book counterpart with my cool costume and my talkative personality, unlike this guy.
 * 2) I possess a highly sarcastic and great sense of humor that irritates and annoys most of my enemies. I regularly insults and belittle baddies because I care about them.
 * 3) I feel no shame and can make a joke out of any situation, even after months of endless torture I was able to keep my raunchy sense of humor alive, despite everyone being a normie.
 * 4) Only a few select people can handle the Deadpool, I'm looking at you Cable!
 * 5) I love cartoons, potty humor, Skee-Ball, classic music, television shows, rap music and American pop culture along with the best band in the freakin' world, Wham! and George Michael, specifically and particularly that harmonic melody "Careless Whisper".
 * 6) I remain very movie-cultured, referencing The Matrix, RoboCop, Alien 3, Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, 127 Hours, The Cocoon, X-Men: Days of Future Past and Star Wars. Why? Because they're pretty kickass!
 * 7) Despite my initial immaturity, I'm a genuine, soft, good-hearted guy, and in time become a very moral and heroic person to the point of dismembering myself becuase I have feelings too ;(
 * 8) Although I'm a pretty kick-ass mercenary, remember that one time I agreed to scare off a young girl's stalker? Yeah, I did that.
 * 9) On matters of sweet, sweet love, I am surprisingly comfortable, nice around the edges, and reusable after every use. Wait, this isn't MySpa——-/-:::-:-:-::;-
 * 10) ”What in the HELL IS THIS? Bullshit that I Didn’t even say! Time to add some Actual reasons, My God, Just When I’m having a Yacht Party, People start ruining my day, WHY! My god, that’s it, I’m listing this reasons NOW!“
 * 11) ”Number Freaking One, What? It says 11? Too bad, it’s Number one, Anyways, I Am the Only marvel character that has common sense, Look at Spider-Man! Can’t even survive a damn bullet!“
 * 12) “Number Two, I’m so Bad Ass that I Give Thanos Chills, He better not take my Chimichanga Next Time!“
 * 13) ”Number Three, I. CANNOT. DIE.“
 * 14) “Numbe- That’s it, This is a waste of my damn time, I’m going to Fucking End this.“
 * 15) ”NNNNUUUMMMMBBEEEEERRR FOOOOUUURRR, I’m the best man in the history of the earth, Even Jesus is so jealous of my awesomeness!“

Bad Qualities

 * 1) None, because we're all perfect with zero flaws! :)
 * 2) “Except the Shithead that impostered me, Next time, Call my damn number, it’s on my website!“

Trivia

 * I killed the entire Marvel Universe, twice! Can I get a noble prize for that?
 * BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBS!
 * In my own video game (the greatest one ever) I am voiced by that same loser who plays Nathan Drake (what kinda name's that?!) from the Uncharted series. Just kidding Nolan, love ya really bro!
 * ”The Real Deadpool Was Just here, Don’t Make me come back.”